I apologize if I half-expected more from you. I apologize for wishing that you’d do the same things I do and offer things I am willing to give for you. I know that most disappointments come from unmet expectations but sometimes I can’t help it. I pretend it doesn’t matter but it does. I realize that now.
I apologize for wanting things you cannot readily give. For things that I may not have demanded but somewhat hope for myself. For thinking I deserve better but not realizing… maybe, you also deserve better. So, I apologize for all of these. Perhaps, this is a little bit too late but let me have it please. Yes, this is I still being selfish for wanting a little peace and consolation.
I am now aware that just because you are ready to give something does not mean people have to. It’s the same way that you can’t expect people to love you back just because you love them. You can’t ask them to make you their reason of existence just because they are to you. These things cannot be imposed and sadly, I’ve learned the hard way.
So, I apologize for making you chose to walk away when it’s not supposed to be. For keeping quiet and sweeping things that I felt disturbing out of the way. For holding on too much and making excuses. Though I know our connection will never be lost and whenever you need me, I’ll still be there. You may not be ready to acknowledge me but I still wanted you to know. I am here and I am not going anywhere.