I hate you. Yes, you heard me. I hate you.
I hate you for breaking your promises. But I hate you more for giving me hope that you’d come around and finally keep it. Oftentimes, hope gives you a misguided expectation of the things you want but will never have.
I hate you for bringing me to places and I could no longer enjoy them as much as I want to. I could no longer like them because all I could think is how much you like them. I no longer find them beautiful or exquisite the way I described them before.
I hate you for making me believe that we have a future together. And the day you left was the day I no longer believe on fairy tales and forever. I hate you more for taking away my chances of finding my one true love because I will always second guess everything I’ll ever have. I could never trust anyone the way I trusted you before. And I hate you more for that.
If I can brand you unlovable then I’d dedicate everything that I have so no one can ever love you. If I can banish you to Mars then I’d rally to the whole world so I would never ever see you again.
I guess you’re now fully aware of how much I hate you. And this is just the beginning. I wonder if I could hate you more when I get sick and tired of having sleeplessness. Of feeling betrayed for being the one left. Of pretending I don’t love you anymore when I still do.
I really hate you.
Yet, deep inside, I know. You tried not to hurt me but you chose to do it rather than wait for the inevitable. You loved me but not enough to keep me. And I hate you most for that.
But then, I fear the day that I no longer hate you. Because when that happens, I no longer love you the way I promised to love you.
*A friend’s story*